You're All That I Want And Nothing I Need
by ambitiousbutrubbish
Summary: After he finds out he and Newton are drift compatible, and the Shatterdome is celebrating and he shifts closer to Newton and Newton throws his arm around his shoulders, Hermann knows he'll never be able to see him again.


**A/N:** So first off, confession time - I spent about 90% of the movie the first time I saw it calling Hermann 'Owen' in my head because I couldn't remember his name. Oops.

Secondly, this movie, man. Giant robots and giant aliens and adorable science boys? It's like someone saw all I ever want in a movie and then stuck a (admittedly short) scene in Sydney in there because I can not tell you what appearances of Australia in disaster movies (in any movies, really, but especially one where the world is under attack) does to me. Be still my heart.

Thirdly, if I write for these two again it'll probably be without acknowledging Vanessa's existence. I find myself agreeing with the people out there that the movies and the novelisation have a slightly different canon, and one of the things that's different is the existence of Vanessa. I mean, surely if the woman you were married to was having a child you would call her before you did something that could potentially kill you or at least if she existed in the movie surely she would've been mentioned at least once because let's face it, a whole lot of people are going to see the movie and not read the book and so they wouldn't know she existed so I'm gonna go with she doesn't. But not for this story. Oh no. Not for this one.

Fourthly: "Hey, Jen. Where's the plot?" The plot is in the movies, silly. Go watch it a million times in the hopes they'll make a sequel.

Warnings for thoughts of infidelity (kind of) and a child being brought into the world not for the best reasons. Pre-slash.

I own nothing. Unbeta'd. All mistakes are my own and spell checks'.

* * *

She becomes Vanessa Gottlieb only a month or so after Hermann meets her. She's absolutely brilliant, and if they shared the same field, she'd almost certainly be better than him. Even as it stands, Hermann knows that she'll be far more respected in the scientific community than he ever will, but Vanessa's research needs the kind of money that few people can supply. His father is one of those people, and he only lends money to family.

So Hermann marries her, because what she's trying to do is far too important to be shut down just because she can't get the funding. And also, of course, because he loves her, he really does, but he's not in love with her and he never will be, because she is not what he needs.

-000-

Hermann is assigned to the teaching staff after he graduates from the Jaeger Academy. On an intellectual level he understands why. If he were in charge of posting, he wouldn't want some guy in his Shatterdome who couldn't move around without the assistance of a cane. But he can't accept it. He won't, because accepting it means admitting defeat, and that is the one thing he can not do. So in between teaching he works. He develops theories about the Jaegers, about the throat that connects their world to the one the Kaiju come from, about anything that he hopes will get the attention of the higher ups and prove his worth despite his disability.

Hermann meets Newton after he's been working for two months. He's not in any of his classes, but obviously he's somehow still heard of him. Hermann assumes it was through the channels of complaints about his teaching style he knows exist because he's not one to suffer fools.

But Newton doesn't seem fazed. He just barges into Hermann's life the same way he does into his office, yammering on about how Hermann's work is brilliant but it's just too theoretical to get noticed and there are too many biologists here for him to be sure of his place and the only way that the two of them are ever going to be placed on assignment in a Shatterdome is if they work together. Instantly, Hermann knows two things. One, that Newton is absolutely right, and two, that he's horribly attracted to him.

So he agrees, but he makes sure to criticise and fight at every turn, because when you're arguing you don't have time to think about anything other than what you're arguing about. And Herman can be cruel. He knows how. You don't endure cruelty from twenty years without learning how to sling it back.

-000-

He and Vanessa decide to have a child together. It's absolutely not under the best of circumstances. Sometimes he thinks he should divorce her. It's not fair to her, being in a marriage with a man who isn't in love with her when she has so much love to give. Especially when he considers the way he still feels about Newton, even after ten years of insults.

But he just can't bring himself to do it, and not only because getting a divorce would be like admitting he failed at marriage, and Hermann doesn't fail at things. He can't bring himself to cut off his connection with his oldest friend, the only person who ever just wanted to be his friend, and when there's no marriage to tie them together, he's sure she'll leave. Besides that, he has no idea if Newton feels anything for him beyond rivalry, and it seems insane to throw away a perfectly happy marriage for the chance at something that he doesn't know how it will turn out either way.

So a child it is.

-000-

After he finds out he and Newton are drift compatible, and the Shatterdome is celebrating and he shifts closer to Newton and Newton throws his arm around his shoulders, Hermann knows he'll never be able to see him again.

-000-

He takes Newton home with him anyway. Or more accurately, Newton follows him home, and he doesn't stop him. He gets along with Vanessa because everyone gets along with Vanessa, and he goes a little crazy about the baby, in the same way he went a little crazy about the Kaiju specimens that had been brought into their lab. Hermann would be insulted if he didn't find it so damned endearing, so he settles on being annoyed with himself for still feeling the way he does, and by proxy, being annoyed with Newton.

They still argue, but there's no science to be disagreed upon now, so the arguments are just about stupid little domestic things. And they have a resolution, because there's only so much you can argue about where Newton can put all his stuff. And after the argument is resolved, Hermann and Newton sit down in companionable silence or they talk about their lives and what they glimpsed in each others minds during the drift and Hermann can feel something shifting between them that he fought for so long.

They try to keep the arguments away from Vanessa because both of them are too worked up about the baby and neither want to stress her out, but she notices anyway, and when she pulls Hermann aside he's afraid she's going to ask him to make Newton leave. But instead she says "Hermann, I love you, but I'm not in love with you, and I know you feel the same way. I've always been happy with the arrangement we have, and I've never felt the need for anything more, but you've found something more. Maybe we should get a divorce."

He doesn't argue about it. He never argues with Vanessa and that's part of the problem, because he's brilliant and she's brilliant and they're perfectly happy to be brilliant and unchallenged forever, but that's not what he needs. Instead they talk about it, about the logistics of what a divorce would entail. About where she's going to live (Hermann insists she keep the house because all her research equipment is there) and especially about the baby (she plans on being friends with Hermann for the rest of his life, and more than that, she'd never take his child away from him). And after everything is sorted out, she pulls him into a hug and whispers in his ear: "Now go tell him."

-000-

Newt is tinkering in the lounge room when Hermann finds him because Newt is always tinkering with something, but he looks up when Hermann enters the room and grins. Hermann can't quite bring himself to smile back - he's not cut up about his and Vanessa's decision, but he's not happy about it either. He decides not to beat about the bush. "Vanessa and I are getting a divorce."

Newt is on his feet in an instant, hovering close but not sure if he can touch.

"I'm sorry, man." he says, and Hermann interrupts him before he can start to babble.

"No, it's okay. It was the best course of action." And something inside Newt seems to click into place and he gathers Hermann in a hug. They don't separate for a long time.


End file.
